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The heart is for human kind

The timeline of Agnessa

Agnessa!! When I think back about Agnessa, I am pretty much intrigued. I am intrigued because I always saw her taking the same bus as me in the morning to go to school and she was always quiet but at the same time she was so cute. She had the kind of aura that said;

“Don’t you dare talk to me.”

On my side at that time I was a very shy boy. So I had to think a lot and talk to myself a lot before having the guts to approach her. And the worst is that I have never approached a single girl in my whole life. Agnessa is in fact the first girl that I have approached in a flirty way. Everyday I would sat down in the bus wait for her to get out of the bus and try to talk to her but I couldn’t because I was shy and scared of rejection. She was very small but she walked really fast as well. By the time I get some courage to try to talk to her she was already far from me. She seemed to be a very clever and serious girl and it was one of the reason that made me scared also . I was thinking maybe she is more into her studies rather than boys. I was thinking too much so I decided to try to forget about her. However it was something impossible for me to do because almost everyday I would see her in the bus and I would fall for her again. This situation was unbearable for me. I feel that I was waiting for too long and if I don’t act on time I risk losing her even before having her. I said to myself that I don’t mind losing in trying to win her. This time my coward moment was gone the next morning I was about to approach her no matter what. I slept early because if had to wake up early the next morning because I know if have to to something very important on my way to school the next day.

The next day was already there. I got ready and I did not think too much about what i was going to say. All I knew was that I was about to approach her. She entered the bus at her usual bus stop which is two bus stop after mine. She was sitting next to someone and it was not the right moment for me to try to talk to her and some more there was a lot of people in the bus. As we reached the bus terminal, she was already out on her way to school with her squared sensation purple white bag. She always sat in front unlike me who always sat at the back. So that was why she was out first. Because she walks very fast, I had to run to be able to catch her and by the time I reached her I was almost out of breath and we were near of her school gate already. As I can recall I just said;

“hey! What’s your name.”

With a light and gentle smile she replied “Agnessa”. I was really surprised that she replied me back and with a smile. It was like the icing on the cake for me. I have never ever experienced that during my whole life. It was a whole new and nice experience for me. But i could see she was very shy and even more than I am. I complimented her about her name and her beauty and she kind of blushed and smiled and at the same time she had a cute habit of doing a movement with her nose which people usually do when they are angry, annoyed and disgust but for her she did it a lot but without knowing. So it was a cute moment. We finally reached her school gate and we separate ways without a real proper goodbye. I left her scratching my head and asking to myself whether she liked me or not. But the good thing was that I was happy. I left her shivering but happy.

The next day, I talked to her again at the same place if started talking to her and this time i could feel that she was more open to talk to me. She was less shy but still shy. It was cute because I would make fun out of her and her face would just turn red. We went on like this for one whole week. However I could not understand the fact that sometimes she encourage me to talk to her whereas some days she will ask me questions like why her or she will tell me stuffs like don’t talk to me. Honestly speaking she was a real puzzle for me. It was week end already and I was eager for the week end to be over so that if can go to school and see her again. During that week I was even going to her school with her and talk to her. I was even friend with her friends now which was good and bad at the same time. I kept on sending signals to her that I like her. If am not mistaken I even told that to her but I don’t know what was going on in her head.

Sadly for me, my nightmare was about to start and I didn’t know. One morning, one of her girlfriend approached me and asked me whether I was in love with Agnessa. Eventually i said yes and why. She told me that Agnessa is not interested in me, she hates me and that she will never be my girlfriend. And on top of that she told me to stop wasting my time. I was shocked because it was the first girl I’ve approached and my first rejection. At that time Agnessa was in the bathroom. When she got back with her friends I stayed with them for around ten minutes then I left to my school sad and shocked. On the next days, I was still talking to her but with more of a distance approach. I would accompany her to her school and meet friends as usual. But I had no intention to stay for long there and her countdown has begun. Sometimes I would just take the next bus so that I don’t meet or see her. After few months, I was not meeting her anymore and I was over her which is not really accurate as the next year she moved into my school.

When she moved to my school, I would go and see her every morning. We would talk for a moment but most of the time she would be with her book studying. Sometimes she would be even mean to me by not answering when I talk to her or ask me to get out of her class. I was cool with that. One of my friend who always take the bus with me in the morning with me happen to be her class mate and he had a crush on her. It was not really a crush but I think he really loved her. Everyday he would talk to me about her and I was just there listening as he did not know that it happens that if love her too. But I said to myself that its hopeless case. She will never be mine and my friend is more likely to be her boyfriend. Now I moved on completely. Sometimes I will just bump into her and talk a bit. I would meet her after Sunday mass which was very rare or on a Saturday at the market with her parents trying to get some vegetables. Even though I was moving on with my life I was always happy to see her. During my last year of high school even, I always saw her with one of my classmate and I just said to myself that this time its confirmed that she will never be mine. It was just too good to be true. I try to avoid to care too much about as well because I already had a new girlfriend and I had to try to focus on my girlfriend at that time. I finally finished high school and I enjoyed my holiday before going to the next step of my life. I decided to go and study abroad as I was craving for a new adventure. I chose Asia and please don’t ask me why because me myself and I don’t even have a proper answer for that question.

It was a new chapter of my life and I was discovering and enjoying so many things at the same time.

While surfing on Facebook, I saw her profile in my list of suggestion. I was curious and I decided to take a look at her page. As soon as I opened her page I send her a friend request and took a look at her photos. I was completely and deeply surprised. The way she is now is as twice as beautiful as she was back then. Words that I have in my vocabulary is not enough to describe her. She is just conspicuous. I eventually proceed to a text message and she answered and accepted my request at the same time. The first time we were having a talk after almost five years. The conversation was as cold as it was the first time I talked to her. But this time some things have changed. We were both grown ups and we both had a partner. But after a while we started talking again, we started sharing our thoughts, happiness and sadness together. In the meantime my relationship was over and it was far from because of her because my ex girlfriend was a nice and beautiful young woman too. We started skyping and this time around, I was more direct and honest to her. And surprisingly she takes it pretty well. I told her what happened in high school even when her friend told me all those mean words. And again it was a shock for me to get to know that she was not aware that all these has happened. We now seem to have a better understanding of each other but as sad as it is for me she already has a boyfriend and she seems to be happy. If she is happy it means am happy too because I will always wish her well. Now we are just two very good friends but if it happens that one day she decide to be mine ill be there for her. One thing is for sure is that I care about her. Do I still love her? Yes I do but inevitably if she moves on without me ill have to do so too. In that case we will have a life where we are not together but shell always have a soft and special place in my heart. However if we end up together, I will be the happiest man alive.

The only thing that I can do right now is to wait and see what the future holds. Should I hold on or should I go?